i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
