When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
