I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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