i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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