dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
