At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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