She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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