I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
