ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
