Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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