The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
