You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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