i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
