I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
is wine microwaveable?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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