I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
