my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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