Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
