Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
