I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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