And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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