Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thus making me awesome and them whores
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
