I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
