it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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