I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
