Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i out mim tonsoeep
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