I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
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You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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