Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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