He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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