I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
