just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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