please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
