we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
