there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
