I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
