Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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