he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
