I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
