Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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