so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
