So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
