dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what day is it and did you see me today?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
