My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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