idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
