so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We just shotgunned beers for America
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
