"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
