ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just cut my nipple shaving
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
