omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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