My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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