so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
