I am puke
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
