did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
