I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am midnight drunk by noon
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So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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