so explain again why im purple
no
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
