the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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