dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
