On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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