I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
