I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
