they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
