party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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