yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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