i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
