One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Someone signed my nipple.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
