You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
