You really coming over, don't trick.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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