Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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