So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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